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Most of the serious problems in long term relationships stem from the fact that people do not understand the true nature of love. These misconceptions can then lead to destructive conclusions which shouldn’t have to happen. A common misconception related to love is that it takes only one form. Most people tent to equate love with the behaviors and feelings common to the initial state of infatuation, when, in reality, this is just the beginning of love. For example, many of us have been lead to erroneously believe that happy, stable couples:

  • Never argue.
  • Are not dependent on one another
  • Both want sex equally
  • Never get angry
  • Get all their needs met
  • Share responsibilities equally
  • Never feel lonely
  • Always agree
  • Think alike
  • Never get bored
  • Always know what the other wants.
  • Resolve all their problems.

None of these statements are true.

Today, thanks to research, we know that love doesn’t last all by itself; you have to make it last. We also know that love goes through predictable cycles and tat each has unique characteristics and purpose. Most of us do not have an accurate picture of what a true love looks like and have erroneously come to believe that love is what is depicted in songs, books, movies, and on television. Take a look at this list of “love stories” from our culture and what they teach us about relationships:

  • Romeo and Juliet
  • Casablanca
  • Dr. Zhivago
  • The English Patient
  • Bridges of Madison County
  • Titanic

If you believe in the models in these screen examples, you are tricked into believing that true love will be short, intense, forbidden, and unrequited. Furthermore, every one of these relationships is limited to the very earliest state of love — infatuation. In reality, true love requires basically four elements: chemistry, compatibility, communication, and commitment. The lovers in these stories certainly had chemistry, but they never stayed together long enough to determine whether they were compatible or committed let alone try and communicate. They barely got to first base.

This limited perception of love has lead to serious misconceptions, such as:

  • Infatuation equals love.
  • If it isn’t perfect, it wasn’t meant to be.
  • Once love dies, you can never get it back.
  • Chemistry is all that matters.
  • There is one true soul mate for everyone.
  • Love conquers all.
  • If a relationship is tough, it means you have the wrong partner.
  • You can’t rekindle passion
  • If you are really in love, you won’t be attracted to other people.
  • If you meet the right person, you will live happily ever after.

These and other delusions have contributed to the inflated sense of discouragement many couples feel when their relationship hits a normal and predictable challenge. They can also lead individuals to give up perfectly good relationships only to find that the same difficulties show up the next time around. A common misconception about love is that is a static state: once you fall in love, you get on a high and stay there forever. This is not true. The course of true love consists of a series of highs and lows. Often when a couple believes they have fallen out of love they have simply entered a difference stage of love.

Related posts:

  1. 10 Secrets of Happy Couples